Little Red Riding Hood -- How it Really Happened

Little Red Riding Hood knocked on the door of her grandmother's cottage. A gentle voice inside said, 'Come in, dearie.'

Little Red Riding Hood pushed the door open and carried her basket of treats across to the bed where her grandmother rested. She stood there and gazed at her grandmother.

'What is it, dearie?” coaxed her grandmother.

'Grandmother, you do have very big ears. All my friends grandmothers don't have nearly as big ears as you do.'

'All the better to hear you with, my dearie. I'll bet none of them could hear nearly as well as I do.'

'Yeah,' acknowledge Little Red Riding Hood. 'I just about have to shout to get them to hear me – but – Grandmother, what big eyes you have!'

'All the better to see you with, my dearie! All the other granny's are blind as bats!'

'Yeah, they are – and Grandmother, what a big nose you have!'

'All the better to smell with! Why, I knew you were coming when you were yet a mile away!'

'And what big, sharp white teeth you have!'

'Yes, I keep them white and sharp by chewing on bones. Now, let me see what you have there.' She lifted the cloth on the basket. 'Ahh! My favourite! A loin bone, oh! And a shoulder bone! Ahh, full of lovely bones. You must have had a feast! Thank your mother won't you?'

'I will, Grandmother.'

There was a knock at the door.

'Go open the door for you uncle, will you, Riding Hood,' said Grandmother.

Little Red Riding Hood opened the door, and there stood a big burly wood-cutter.

'Uncle Remus!' cried Little Red Riding Hood, joyfully.

'How's my favourite niece!' he said as he swooped her off her feet. 'And how's my dear mother?'

'As well as can be expected, I suppose. Your sister-in-law sent me these lovely bones.'

'What a sweet gal she is, my brother's widow. Speaking of Romulus, I could have certainly used his help on this project.'

'Yes,' sighed Grandmother. 'It's too bad about his “accident”. But it's certainly good of you to name the new city after him.'

'If it ever gets finished. At this rate...'

'Rome won't be built in a day!' said Grandmother.